I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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