just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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