you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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