My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
