may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
