I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
