This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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