I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
