Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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