Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
