8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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