Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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