I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
