Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
