We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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