dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
