I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
