see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
