I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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