I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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