Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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