he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
