his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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