Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
