I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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