News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
