It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
