nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
