Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
