And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
