Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
