im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
