My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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