Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
