I murdered the dance floor call the cops
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I think my moral compass just broke
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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