I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Randomize
