oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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