I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
