Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
