Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
