He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
