Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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