this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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