Well apparently he's into motor boating.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
