I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
