i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
