he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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