No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
