well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just had sex on a roof
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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