Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
