oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
