She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
