yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
