Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
