i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
