You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
