Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
