Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
