i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
