hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
