You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
