He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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