I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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