Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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