Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize