...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
