if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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