come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
