mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Randomize
