I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I am mentally ready for anal.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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