I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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