i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
