that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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