Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Small penises have feelings too.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
