I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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