haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
