Define "chronic" masturbator.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
