I want to make a zoo with you.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
