how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
