Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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